fear, miles, hugs and kisses

we’re five thousand miles apart, yet i’m afraid i’ll run to you with the same speed as when i was just a hundred miles away

i’m afraid that i’ll hug you with more bone-crushing strength than you’d ever expect from a girl of my size. but then, no girl of any size loves you as much as i do

i’m afraid that my embrace will betray stubborn remnants of a love that never left; that i’ll hold you a little too long, and a little too tight, like you were mine again

i’m afraid that when i smile at you, you’ll smile back, laugh that silly laugh of yours and resurrect that flux of butterflies in my stomach i thought were gone

i’m afraid i’ll kiss you, and you’ll kiss me back. and how perfect it will feel will be the sign that we’re fucked all over again


Surgery, Purgery and the Shame of my Nakedness

i’m afraid of being naked
parading in front of strangers
i mean, both things at the same time
because each separately, i’m fine

but i need to perform surgery
and free myself through purgery
or burn myself right at the stake
with no clothes covering my shame

i’ll lay bare, flat on my back and
cut into skin with the scalpel
i’ll hope the pain that will come through
will not turn my blood black and blue

i’ll hope the pain that will come through
will come with peace and healing too
but first i have a burning need
for strangers to watch my sins bleed

that night with you at pent

you prably wasn’t lying when you said my eyes were red
i said couldn’t do it so i passed it back instead
you laughed and said, “take it slow, don’t let it get to your head”
that’s how it went, my first hit and that night with you at pent

the night was cool, the school was calm, the moon was nice and bright
the sharp intake of breath you drew pierced silently into the night
i looked at you and stared in awe, wondering what was on your mind
then slowly you exhaled and let the smoke rise up to meet the skies