love and an opaque shadow

why does love always leave you
as a shadow of your actual self
a nightmare a bit too real
one that’s a little bit blacker
one that’s a bit more opaque
one that can’t find a way
to let any light in


i don’t smile much anymore

i don’t smile much anymore
i grit my teeth when i talk
because it’s hard to tell you
that i can’t stay anymore

my laughs aren’t more than sad grunts
my brows furrow when i speak
because now censoring my thoughts
has to be my new norm with you

my lips are pressed tightly together
the words escaping carefully curated
to make you believe that i have to leave
when all my heart wants is to love you